Namaste

I officially have a BA in Philosophy.


Chicago: The Musical is over.


Now, I'm concentrating on myself, and to be honest, I have a lot of changes that I would like to make.


1.) I want to lose at least 50 pounds. This is not just because I want to look better, I want to FEEL better. I want to feel healthier.
2.) I want to make my voice lesson-giving into an actual business.
3.) I want to read more books.
4.) I want to stop criticizing myself so much. I've been doing that  A LOT recently. 
5.) I want to take a dance class or two. I REALLY want to perfect my craft. I also want to work on my acting and singing, too.
6.) I want to find a job that gives me freedom--see #2
7.) I want to do more yoga again. I want to be more spiritual.
8.) I want to throw positivity into the universe.
9.) I want to have a more positive outlook. I always feel like I'm annoying to people, so I need to just trust the fact that I am, in fact, NOT annoying. I just need to stop thinking negatively.
10.) I want adventure.
11.) I want to live in an artists community, and I want to constantly be surrounded but people who are positive and loving.

I realized something: It is very hard for me to be satisfied. I am always striving for great things, which can be good, but, I always need to be worrying about something because I always think that I can be better or do better. I need to start trusting myself. I need to stop looking for things wrong. 

Now, I have so much freedom to deal with all these things. This is both good and bad. I'm dealing with a lot of thinks at once, but I am FINALLY dealing with them. I feel like I'm the brink of finding out who I truly am.

"I stand on a precipice, I struggle to keep my balance. I open myself, I open myself. One stitch at a time."

Hello Out There!!

I have a huge question pertaining to human existence:

Does ANYONE believe in PEACE anymore?!?!

Maybe it's the fact that iImoved back to the East Coast? I don't know!!!

As much as this statement is an oxymoron, it is true: I constantly feel like I'm fighting for peace.

But I won't stop. I will continue to promote peace. I don't care who calls me unrealistic or whimsical. I will not give up.

Is anyone with me?? Anyone at ALL?

1. pick 15 of your favorite films.
2. go to imdb.com and find a quote from each film.
3. post them here for everyone to guess.
4. strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the film.
5. no googling/using imdb search functions.

1. "Make sure to secure the door when I am gone. There are many dangerous people who wanna take things from Americans, and also kidnap them. Good night!"
2. "And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects, called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space... and meaning."   Rocky Horror Picture Show wishmeaway
   
3. "To be free, one must give up a part of oneself." Hedwig and the Angry Inch fatbottom_girl
   
4. "I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker." Anchorman fatbottom_girl
   
5. "You have balls. I like balls."
6. "This pin used to hold a pearl the size of your eye. Look at me now, LOOK AT ME NOW! I'm wearing a cardboard belt!"
7. "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it." The Lion King foundmysong
   
8. "Can't fall in love? But a life without love, that's terrible."   Moulin Rouge foundmysong
   
9. "We're gonna be in Philadelphia for 48 hours, how many tea services can you do?"
10. "You'd think they'd build the parking lot of America to go with the Mall of America!"
11. "Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today."
12. "No, if anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving. I am NOT drinking any fucking Merlot!" Sideways wishmeaway
    
13. "Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space." Fight Club wishmeaway
    
14. "A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others."
15. " Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear."  Empire Records wishmeaway
    

This is from an old entry I was reading!! Let's do it again!! :-) YAY!



I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions; no more, no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this, and allow you friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

I'm finding that I have many options about many aspects of my life right now...

Should I re-arrange my schedule? I really should take more major classes this semester and leave gen-eds for the summer!

Should Jay and I get an apartment in Mass now? Or just stick it out until we move to Orlando? At least we know we'll be living together this summer...

Oh this summer...SOOO many options. I could take classes and get a job to work my butt of, just to save money.

I could audition for shows near my house and go to school and not work (or maybe part time)

I could take classes near Jay, auditions for shows near him, and/or get a job near him....

I don't know!! haha SOOO many options. I always want to find the best one!!!

Honestly, I just really want to set a graduating date...or at least a "move to florida" date!!!


I really don't have too much to say today!! I downloaded Ingrid Michaelson's CD, Boys and Girls, today!! I really like it!! She has a different, new, unique sound that is really inspiring!!

Maybe she'll help me write a good song!!

Lots of Love to all...

I'm REALLY trying to write everday!! HAHAHA

Seriously....SERIOUSLY

All I want to do is write ONE DAMN SONG!!! I can't!!! I have no clue what chord progression I should make it. Or what melody line. And there are so many words, how can a just choose a few to express how I feel?

Honestly, there are SO many people out there who have no clue about music theory or melody patterns or anything like that, and they write the most BEAUTIFUL music. Look at Rufus Wainwright. He doesn't read or write music...he just creates it...


Maybe my problem is, I'm thinking about it too technically. Maybe I just need to sit back and let whatever is in me just....come out.

How do I do this???


Any Ideas????

After getting all A's and B's last semester (and one C+, but my teacher was a little loony), I am SUPER Psyched for next semester! One semester closer to being DONE WITH COLLEGE!!!
 


Here are the classes I'm taking:

Biology 298 Seminar: You Are What You Eat

Psychology 100 Intro to Psych

Philosophy 249 Existentialism in Literature

Theater 240 Creative Dance

Social Work 299 Seminar: Our Town

Communication Disorders 111 American Sign Language


As you can see, I am taking six classes. I think I can handle it!! They are all 3 credits. Most of them are gen eds. Actually, only one is towards my Philosophy major, 3 are gen eds, and 2 are fun! :-) I have excess credits to have fun with, which is nice. After this semester, i will need 4 more gen ed credits and 15 major credits...the rest are extra!!! :-)

Can I also fit a show into this?!?!?!?! We'll see next week if I get into Godspell at Neverland!! HAHAHA

AND

Jay got me tickets to see THE LION KING ON BROADWAY for Christmas. I'm seeing it March 14th. ELEVENTH ROW!!! AND It is possible we will be driving from NYC after the show directly to Orlando for a weeks vacation!! YAY! So, we must fit that in as well!!


I love being busy! :-)

1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
For the most part!! I would say May-December kicked a lot of ass, even in times of stress. January-April was pretty trying, but there were a few good times!

2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
That's a tough one--Every moment I was in Disney World, C-A-M-P, Ocean City with Ben and Ali, The Summer of Massachusetts Awesome Stars...

3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
I would say the day I came back from Disney in April.

4) Where were you when 2007 began?
 Ocean City, NJ.

5) Who were you with?
My Mom, Bruce, Ben, Ali, and Dylan

6) Where were you when 2007 ended?
Jay's House in bed from having my wisdom tooth out!

7) Who was with you when 2007 ended?
Jay, Jenny P, and Matt!

8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
Yes. My New Years resolution was to NOT have a New Years Resolution! haha.

9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
Yes. Two Actually. 1.) To be healthier physically. Maybe even lose a few pounds. 2.) To become more spiritual and use spiritual tools to further my career and enrich my life.

10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Oh yes I did! :-) *sigh*


11) If yes, with who?
My wonderful boyfriend, Jay.

12) If yes, do they know?
Oh yes. The feeling is mutual! yay!

13) Are you still in love with them?'
Oh yes.

14) Do you regret it?
Not at ALL!

15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
I was broken up with, yes.

16) Did you make any new friends in 2007?
Yes!

17) Who are your favorite new friends?
Let's see...Jay (haha), Mollie, Laura, Caroline, Tom, Aimee, Jeff....there must be more!! I reunited with many friends as well: Matt, Kat, Jen Rosen, Dieter, Jordy, Dave, Ted, Allison C, basically everyone from CAMP! :-) yay!

18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
I want to say it's a tie between July and August! :-)


19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
NO :-(

20) How many different states did you travel to in 2007?
Only one--Florida--but MANY times! :-)

21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
Yes. Maggie, my step-mom. *I miss you*

22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
Yes. All of my friends in Los Angeles

23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
Ooooh. Hairspray...or Enchanted...oh I know there MUST be more!

24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
Well, it's not really from 2007, but I would have to say "And I am telling you" from Dreamgirls hahahaahah <---I'm a NERD

25) What was your favorite record from 2007?
None really...I was introduced to "Under the table and dreaming" by Dave Matthews, though.

26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
One. BEN FOLDS WITH THE BOSTON POPS!!! :-)

27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
Yes. BEN FOLDS WITH THE BOSTON POPS!! :-)

28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
I would say so! Mostly with Jenny P!

29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
No...

30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
Two.

31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
Yes, but I don't want to mention it here...it has to do with a sexcapade. HAHAHA

33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
"I love you"--but not from Jay :-)

34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
I think I was hardest on myself!

35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Yes.

36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
QUITE a bit. I went to Disney 4 times! haha.

37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
Going to C-A-M-P with Ben and Ali.

38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Not sure....I KNOW I have one!! haha...

39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 and change something, what would it be?
Overworking myself...it's not really one moment, but I took a lot on in September and October!!!

40) What are your plans for 2008?
Finish my degree, do what makes me happy (spend time with friends/family, theater, work I like), start making plans for my future! :-)

1.) Graduate Bridgewater State College with a degree in Philosophy and POSSIBLY a minor in theater.

2.) If possible, do the Disney Program for the last 15 credits of Undergrad.

3.) Move to Orlando

4.) Do at least two of the following options while in Orlando, Florida:
    4a.) Go to grad school for Expressive Arts Therapy (FSU--Tallahassee, I know), Theater--Musical Theater or Youth Theater Track (UCF), or even another undergrad degree in Theater management
    4b.) Open my own Theater Company with an education program. I want to be able to offer classes and private lessons to anyone interested.
    4c.) Have an A Capella group.
    4d.) Have my own music studio that I can give lessons out of. Maybe make a "musical theater studio" where I can offer not just singing lessons, but acting lessons as well.
    4e.) Audition at local theaters/entertainment venues (regional, community, improv and theme park/dining)

5.) Work at Disney in one of the following departments:
     5a.) Entertainment--I've decided that I don't think I just want to be a performer. I would love to see how to work my way up to casting/directing/vocal directing. OR I would LOVE to do studio work for Disney.
     5b.) Team Disney--I would love to be able to make the magic for the cast members who make the magic for the guests.
     5c.) If I do the Disney Program, or even just at first or during the summer, Attractions--This could be tons of fun!!!



How do you like THAT?!?!!?!?!?

Over the past few months, I've been trying to get to the bottom of my innermost self. Surprisingly, I've felt the least spiritual I have felt in a very long time. Instead of doing this spiritually with mediation and chakra work, I've decided to talk my feelings out to really see who I am. I've also been putting myself in hypothetical situations to see what I would do...

I've come to a decision about my career...

I don't want anyone to think I am giving up on Musical Theater. I'm not. I am, however, redirecting myself in this field. I'm no longer auditioning for Broadway shows and National Tours, and I think...think...I'm okay with that. I've been realized that being a Broadway actor or an actor on a national tour can be a very demanding lifestyle. I've recently been contemplating: Is this really me?

I put myself in this hypothetical situation: Let's say I'm a working Broadway actor. I living in NYC. I work eight shows to week. I love the show I'm doing. I'm at the top of my game. I have achieved the dream that everyone I know has always wanted me to achieve. BUT....I don't get to see my family. I don't get to see my friends. I don't get to see myself. I live in a city that is really difficult to live in. I'm constantly worrying about what comes after my show closes. I lose friends bit by bit. My relationships fail. I make new friends, but I lose some very important old ones...A national tour would be the same scenario, but traveling on a bus.

What is the solution here? I really am thinking about going to grad school, getting a degree in expressive arts therapy, working as a music therapist, opening my own theater, and doing regional theater. Maybe I will even become equity! Once again, I am not giving up. I'm also not stating that I will NEVER audition for Broadway or National Tours ever again...I am simply stating that I am no longer setting my goals so high that I feel stressed and pressured every day that I will never attain them.

I am simply taking control of who I am as a person. I want to promote peace, love, song, prose, plays, life, happiness, release and I want to teach it one-on-one, hands on, and face-to-face with others.This is not about me thinking I don't have talent. This is about the fact that I want to make my mark in the world, but I want to start small. I want to start from the smallest point and see how far I can go. Then I can look back and say....I did that on my own terms. I did that when I felt ready. I did that and I was myself.

Please don't be disappointed in me. For all of my wonderful friends who are pursuing the dreams of Broadway, I support you 100% and love you for your courage and wonderful talent. Maybe someday I will return to the dream of being Broadway bound! Just, for now, I need to give myself a little bit of a break.

I am sorry.

Lots of Love,

Christine

Things are falling apart again...


It's hitting me now that she's gone...

I don't feel good...

And my professors are not being understanding at all...

And I can't concentrate on my paper right now...


I can't wait to be in Florida. just a little over a week...

Maggie Vidulic-Kasparian May 23, 1957-October 19, 2007

You were a wonderful Step-Mom. I love you and miss you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart...always.

Wow. I haven't written in FOREVER!

Lots has happend.

*Dylan and I broke up
*I have a wonderful new boyfriend named Jay
*I started school at Bridgewater State College as a Philosophy Major
*I'm a voice teacher and babysitter in Sharon for now
*I want to move to Florida and work for Disney for a while when I graduate NEXT JUNE!! :-)


Yes. TONS has happend.

I'm very stressed right now. I'm doing QUITE a lot as you can see.

On top of that, Maggie, my step-mom, is not doing so well. She has colon cancer, and she's has fallen extremely ill.

Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I must continue to read Medieval Philosophy!

If you or anyone you know lives in Southern Massachusetts and needs voice lessons, PLEASE let me know!! I'm EXTREMELY affordable! :-D

Here's my flyer:

LiveLoveMusic
Voice Lessons
By Christine Kasparian

If you love to sing, let your voice be heard!

Learn basic techniques and work on a repertoire.
Learn about music theory and music history as well!

Customize your lessons to fit what’s right for you.
All ages, levels, and genres are welcome! Everything from Classical to Musical Theater!

If you have any questions about rates or would like to set up lesson times,
Email her at LiveLoveMusic@mail.com

How did I fuck up my life so much?? It makes no sense.

Why are things so incredibly complicated?

What the HELL am I going to do with my life?

Dylan is in LA right now visting all of our friends. I miss them all so much.

I feel like a shell of a person. Nothing on the inside anymore.

Here's the plans:

I need to get my transcripts all squared away from both Umass and SMC.

I then have to figure out what schools I can go to based on finances and my grades.

Here are the ideas:

A.) Stay at home here in Sharon. Work at Bath and Body Works, and go to Bridgewater State College. This idea can also be swapped with another college near Sharon.

B.) Move up to the Durham/Portsmouth area and go to UNH. They have an unbelievable music program. I could then work at either Bath and Body Works at the Fox Run Mall or find a job near campus. I could live in so many places. It would also be a possiblilty for me to audition in the Seacoast area and do shows as well. Also, I would be near Larry and Elaine, and all of the peeps on the seacoast. I could also still be near home.

C.) Move to Astoria, New York. I could then got to either Hunter, New School, or maybe even AMDA. AMDA may be out of the question, though, because my parents want me to get a BA or BFA. This would also be amazing because I could live near my dad, but still be near home.

D.) Go back to Umass. I wouldn't have to worry about transcripts at all. Also, I wouldn't do a show. I would literally just take as many credits as possible to just get it over with. I would also have a great support group there for that.

Way into the Future (most likely after I have graduated):

A.) Move to Florida. Do Disney Entertainment or something along those lines. I could also go to UCF. They have an amazing Musical Theater Program. This is if I were to go there for school or grad school. Grad school? Where did that come from?

B.) THIS IS A FULL ON MUST!!! I MUST live in LA again. I miss too many places, things, and faces. I miss sooo much of it. I need to be there again. I need to be ready this time. I could get an agent, teach kids in a great program, start a new theater company, audition around, and hang with my friends. I could do all or some of the above. The sky is the limit.


I just feel like after high school, I progressed so much. I went to Umass, then to Portsmouth, and then to LOS ANGELES!! And I succeeded (to some degree) at all three (Umass is questionable). I feel like I'm really back at square one here. I feel utterly lost and confused. I don't know where to go or what to do next, and now I have limits. Insane limits from money and my parents.

I just don't know what to do.

I'm just stuck.

I am thankful that I get to see my family.

I feel like everyone replaced me in thier lives with someone else.

It's the weirdest feeling ever.

I heard back from the producer, and I got the part!!

I'm playing Rizzo in Grease once again!!


I'm very excited.

I will update about opening night and what-not.

I'm extremely excited!! :-D

Portsmouth tomorrow. Fun with Ben and Ali Saturday...I'm babysitting all day. Ben and Ali's Birthday party and my first rehearsal on Sunday! :-D